American: “You should get glasses like Dave, you get many women”
Iraqi: “What kind of women?”
American: “All kinds, dude- Russians, Canadians, Indians, Mexicans- all women!”
Iraqi: “with these glasses I have I catch this man”
*starts holding the hand of another Iraqi*


Later……
Iraqi: “Mr. Dave… *pulls out notebook* how many women you catch with glasses?”





Mortars sound like this “Zooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooom! PRKASHBOOM!” Trust me. I've heard quite a few.


But, all is well, or at least getting better. I've had a cold for 3 weeks that I've finally beat thanks to the power of nutrition and working out with a gigantic Puerto Rican bodybuilder.

Yesterday, however, I had a problem. I was waiting for a bus to take me to eat at the DFAC (ARMY talk for cafeteria) and I had to pee. Our toilets are broken, so you have to use this bidet booty sprayer to fill up the tank to flush, but the knob flew off and hit me in the knee, then water sprayed at crotch lever and drenched mehead to toe. I tried to screw the knob and valve back in, but that just made the water spray the celing. I walked out, dripping wet, glasses with water droplets, M16 wet, and said "Hold the bus, I gotta go change". There was about 30 people there. That sucked so much. THen the power was out so i couldn't shower or read or anything except go to a picnic table and listen to sordid, debauched tales of deviant misadventure in Thailand.